How to not be one of the guys dating
Every time I put myself in these girlfriends' shoes, I honestly think about how much I would hate me too.Sometimes I catch myself in group settings talking about things like The Pirate (two words: Urban Dictionary). Sure, it gets laughs (because The Pirate is hilarious), but here's the thing: I'm not always surrounded by a bevy of bros...I was recently a grooms(wo)man in my (male) best friend's wedding. Liz, yours will be the black version of this." From the groom: "Guys (and Liz). I'll never forget my confusion when my mother pulled me aside and explained I would eventually have to put a shirt on while running around outside with the neighborhood boys.During the planning for said wedding, I received two very different kinds of pre-nuptial emails. They pretend so hard not to, but good Lord, your guy friends' girlfriends just can't stand you. And while I'm proud to say I'm not in that camp, women in my shoes are at least assumed to have an ulterior motive. People often confuse you for the women we all love to loathe -- the ones who talk about fellow ladies like this: "Girls just never seem to like me... I have idea why." Listen -- a women with no girlfriends is not to be trusted.
In fact, how aggressively they try to friend the crap out of you is almost solely fueled by this hatred. You're the one her bae came to first with his problems, who knows how to make his favorite birthday cake, and who knows every intimate detail of his life -- details she realizes she may never know.
There aren't exceptions to this, because even if his girlfriend/fiance/wife has come to terms with the nature of your "just friends" relationship, and may even genuinely like you now, she most definitely hated you initially. To rub more salt in this open wound, his parents likely adore you.
Not to say I don't understand those labels, or haven't cast them onto others myself. But in reality, with pure guy friends, there is no ulterior motive. Minus the anatomy, there is zero difference in how I feel about these friends -- they're basically girls (just don't tell them I said that).
Or, we're exalted for how cool we seem: the ones guys fall in love with, the ones other girls want to be. It's all a bunch of symbolic labels that actually mean very little.
But being confined to these labels can also feel claustrophobic.
Being one of the guys can be a lot of fun -- and not just because groomsman wedding prep (drinking whiskey, playing pool) smokes that of a bridesmaid (nail salons, hairdressers).